My good friend Dolly has a daughter named Lola, who once married a boy named Lyle. For whatever reason, at the time of the wedding, Dolly and Lola were not speaking. Therefore, Dolly and Donnie were not there and didn't really know Lyle.
When they finally made up, which they always do, it was decided that a road trip was in order. It was high time that Dolly and Donnie got to know their new son-in-law, Lyle, and visa-verse.
With that, they packed up the car, and headed south to Nashville, Tennessee, where all involved had friends. After checking into their hotel, Dolly and Donnie went to visit some friends, while Lola and Lyle went to meet some of their own friends. The plan was to meet up later that night.
"Hey Paula!" Dolly says to me a few days ago, "Did I ever tell you about the first time we met Lyle? It was a hot Saturday night in Nash-Vegas."
"What is Nash-Vegas? Is that like Brown County, Indiana?" I ask.
"Nooooo, it's in Nashville. You've never heard of Nash-Vegas? Well, go google it."
"Anyway," Dolly continues, "when we got there, me and Donnie went to meet up with our friend Michael who lives in Nashville. We went to a couple of clubs, drank a lot of vodka, and before we knew it, it was 2 a.m. and we were hungry.
Michael says he MUST take us to this odd restaurant that is in a bad part of town and never to be found on any tourist map. So we call Lola and Lyle and tell them to meet us there. The place was sorta like Waffle House, only without a bathroom.
So we all meet up and sit down at a table where we wait, and wait for service. We waited forever! It takes so long, that Lyle starts rolling a joint on the table."
"On the table?" I ask "Or under the table?"
"Totally on the table. It's like 3 am and the whole place is in it's own world. We were all drunk and nobody cared.
Oddly, though, you did have to go outside to smoke. So, on one of our fifteen smoke breaks outside, Lyle and I find ourselves alone, except for this homeless guy drinking out of a brown paper bag.
Remember I mentioned that the place didn't have a bathroom? Well, I wasn't kidding, it really didn't have a bathroom. And I really needed to pee. So I go over by this wall and drop my pants and squat and start peeing.
Well, then the homeless guy decides he has to pee as well, stands right next to me, takes out his dick, and starts peeing too.
Suddenly, I hear Lyle yell "STOP LOOKING AT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!!", because the homeless man is looking down at me squatting, watching me pee.
When we get back to the table, I'm laughing and telling Donnie, Michael, and Lola what just happened. They start laughing as well, but Lyle looks mortified.
When we ask him if he's OK, he says "Tonight, I did two things that I never want to do again."
"What's that?" Lola asks him.
"First," Lyle says, "I watched my new mother-in-law pee against a wall outside in an alley, behind a restaurant with no bathroom."
"Secondly," he continue's, "I screamed at a homeless guy peeing next to my new mother-in-law for staring at her while he peed against the same wall."
"Dolly", I ask, "do you think this could have had anything to do with the divorce?"
"Oh no, not at all" Dolly says "I don't know what Lola's problem was with him, but we really liked him. He was a nice kid."
