"I called my sister in law on the phone," Dahmi tells me, "two days before I went to South Carolina to visit her and my brother and told her that I was worried about the kids and the pool. I wanted assurance that they couldn't get outside in the early morning hours or at night and drown. I was obsessed with something happening to one of the kids. When I got down there, I got up three or four time a night to make sure they were okay."
"Billy and Autumn were also going to visit my brother and family, so...I was obsessed with something happening to one of them.The very day that I got there, Billy fell out of the tree house while I was washing dishes, looking out at the pool from the kitchen window.
Leah was no where around, per usual. Bryan, Jim's son, scooped Billy up from the ground and I ran over to him. Bryan put Billy in my arms. When I had him in my arms, he went limp, turned gray and his eyes rolled back.
I thought I was losing another grandson.
I yelled for them to call 911 and put Billy on the porch in a flat position, keeping his head and back from moving. He was crying that his back hurt. Thank god he was with me at that time. Leah comes walking out and in an irritated voice says…"what the hell is going on?". The ambulance arrives, they strap him to a board with collar on and take him to emergency to get xrays and scans.
Thank God he's fine. But the whole thing triggered something in me that's been hiding since we lost our Little Man.
Thank God he's fine. But the whole thing triggered something in me that's been hiding since we lost our Little Man.
After they left I completely fell apart. I have never fallen apart like that in my life. I couldn't even hold myself up."
I ask Dahmi, "What was it like? I mean, completely falling apart. Was it cathartic at all?"
"Not a comfortable thing I can tell you that.", Dahmi answers, "No. It made me feel like a freak, but like a human freak for once. know what I mean?"
"I always have to be the strong one, and true to form, Jim," who is Dahmi's life partner, " did not let me fall apart. What I mean is...my legs weren't supporting my weight anymore, I was shaking and some weird noise was coming out of my mouth and I felt like I was going to pass out, and then Jim says "Get it together..Autumn needs you", and I pulled it together."
"You know, Leah has treated me like shit ever since. She seemed more into getting sympathy from the whole thing." she finishes.
"Yeah, that shit can get addictive." I tell Dahmi.
"Sympathy?" Dahmi asks.
"Hell yeah, I realized it when I had cancer." I say
"Really?" Dahmi asks me incredulously, almost shocked.
"Absolutely."
"That's interesting." Dahmi says reflecting on what I just told her.
"Yup." I tell her. "I always felt invisible, and when I was sick, everybody was sooooo nice to me. On the other hand, it was miserable and totally not worth it but I still thought about it."
Dahmi looks at me and says "Yeah, it's nice for people to care, but then you have this label. Like, I'm the grandma who lost her grandson. You're the lady who had cancer."
"Yes, I know"
"I think I would rather be invisible." Dahmi says
"And," I add, "if you knew me earlier, I was also the little girl with the dead father and crazy mother."
"Sure...and I was the girl who got pregnant at 17."
"Exactly!", I proclaim, "Everybody has defining moments."
"I'd say...some not so great."
"Well, what would be the fun in that?" I ask Dahmi, "We'd all be stagnant."
"Oh yeah!" Dahmi remembers, "My point to the story was that I knew something was wrong but I was so off base. I focused on that pool."
"Well, you were still right there with your radar on. It made a huge difference." I tell her
"Well, I didn't stop it from happening. And guess what? One of the puppies drowned in the pool in the early morning hours. It was the puppy that my mom wanted me to bring home." Dahmi replies
"WOW, that's crazy!", I say "It distracted you, the puppy threw off your magnificent radar."
"I guess so...probably because the puppy was wrapped up in my Mom's emotions. I brought a different puppy home for her. I didn't tell her that hers drowned." she says, "I just couldn't. Needless to say, it was a pretty stressful vacation."
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