Saturday, June 25, 2011

Everybody feels like crap sometimes.

Saturday is finally here, and I feel like crap. This bothers me.

Last night, I went to bed early. Why don't I feel like a spring chicken?

The day started merrily enough. The two J's, RWC, and I went to the Hofbrau House in Newport for Tam Tam's surprise birthday party. We had to be there by 11 am and it was a sunny, cool morning that had no business being in late June.

My dogs have been acting strange lately, not feeling well I guess. I left them in the yard while we were gone. This yard is guarded by iron gates, extra fencing, and an invisible fence. This is canine Alcatraz, and no dog should be able to escape. You have no idea the hundred's and hundred's of dollars I've spent reinforcing it's perimeters.

Having the audacity to leave those dogs out when I wasn't home is not something I felt good about. But I did it anyway, silly fool.

As we pull into the parking lot for Tam Tam's surprise party, my cell phone rings. It's my bestie Karla, who lives across the street, calling to let me know that Katie Houdini is out running the streets.

So we sit in the parking lot for five minutes, trying to find out which of the J's took the spare key from Karla's house and exactly which one never returned it, because now Karla can't let Katie Houdini back in the house.

And then, here comes Tam Tam with her daughter, son, and grand baby, getting ready to walk right by the car. We all hunch down.

We may have missed the surprise, but we didn't ruin it. The party was beautiful, the food was great, the company beyond compare. It was reunion like, all my nearest and dearest from the old neighborhood.

It's only 3 pm now, and I feel like crap. It makes me look for things that will make me feel better. Little things, like drinking cokes and smoking cigarettes because I just feel so exhausted and it embarrasses me. I am just so very deep down in my soul tired.

It would be easy to call it depression, but I think it's wear-and-tear. There is no cheating death, only avoiding it and buying time. I am indeed elusive, and very good at it. But let's not forget, it's buying time that I'm doing, and a price is indeed paid, in the form of the energy that runs my body.

It's as if shards and pieces of my energy goes back into the universe, gone to me forever, in payment for every moment of extra time here. So I am one tired bitch and it has nothing to do with emotion. It's all about energy.

What the hell, I'll take it, it's well worth it because today, I got to eat birthday cake with my Tam Tam.

Good thing there's not a sleep tax. So there you have it.