Of all the twelve months, the one I scorn is February. It started with that silent "r", you know, the one after the "b" that makes no sound. You just can't trust a month that hides an extra letter.
Equally as bad, if not worse, is the day Wednesday, with that whole "dnes" mess in the middle. The only reason I don't hate Wednesday is because it isn't Monday or Tuesday.
Sure, February does have Valentine's Day, and I want to cut it some slack for that. Really I do. So here's a great gift idea. Valium for Valentine's Day. You could print little love messages on them like candy hearts.
Anyway, even if February is the shortest month, for me, it's still always the longest month. I mean this shit lasts forever. I think that's why they made it the shortest month to begin with. Well, it's not working.