When Paula and Tami Went to Chicago in a Stolen Car Part 4

When Barry left, he was only supposed to be gone an hour, so Barb had no money, and no nothing. That meant that the babies had no food or, even worse, diapers. Don't forget, we were in a one a room partment that had the bathroom down the hall. Those babies stunk.

By now, Tami and I had about ten dollars left between us and we weren't giving it up. We didn't tell them we had it, so we had to sneak off to eat. What I remember most was eating Vienna hot dogs, not to be confused with the sausges of the same name. If you've never had a Vienna hot dog, you've never had a hot dog. The great thing about these little restaurants in Chicago is that they have a "fixings bar" where you can load all kinds of crap onto your hot dog for free. That really worked for us.

I also remember what we spent our last dollar on. Tami had her sixteenth birthday that week, so we spent it on a Snickers bar, and I sang happy birthday to her. We sliced it like it was a cake. It was the best Snickers bar I've ever had. That's why it's good to be deprived sometimes, it makes everything so much more meaningful. Try leaving the house one day with nothing but your car keys, no wallet, no cell phone, and rough it through the day....it's good for you.

While we were sneaking around eating, Barb decided that perhaps Barry wasn't returning. He left her with nothing. All of our clothes and everything were in the car because we didn't think we were staying, we thought we were just visiting. By then, Barry had been gone for two days.

On that third evening, Barb and I left Tami with the babies, and went to the corner pay phone. Barb made the wise decision to call the Salvation Army for help. By the time we got back to Tom's apartment, and we're talking four minutes tops, the police had already arrived. We look down the hallway and there's a whole gaggle of Chicago's finest at the apartment door. We were trying to figure out if it was our door when suddenly Tami's head popped out of the gaggle. Tami is super blonde with huge blue eyes so the contrast was almost stunning and I can still picture it today....hilarious.

It turns out that the police have to come first before a social service will. Once the police determined that there was nothing in there but two stinky babies and Tami, the salvation army came. They were able to help Barb with food for herself and the babies. The next time you clean out your pantry to give to a food drive, be kind, because most of the shit they get is nasty. We're talking canned fish (not tuna) and powdered milk.

However, since Tami and I had parents we could call for help, they wouldn't help us. Me and Tam Tam were rejected by the Salvation Army. Not many people can claim that. Looking back on the whole episode, I can't believe the police didn't arrest us. I mean, what the fuck? We were fifteen year old girls from Cincinnati. We were still too stubborn to call Myra and Marilyn (I like the way that rolls), we would have to suffer a little longer before we would even consider calling. TO BE CONTINUED

When Paula and Tami Went to Chicago in a Stolen Car Part Three

When Barry finally woke up from his nap, we continued on to Chicago. Once we got into town, we went straight to Barry's friend Tom's "apartment".

The building Tom lived in was on the east side of the Chicago loop, right underneath the El. The El is the public transportation train system, and in many places the tracks elevate over the buildings to save ground space. And when I say Tom's "apartment" was right underneath the El, I mean literally. You never felt a structure shake until you've spent a few days under the El, plus, you could see it up close and personal right out the window.

Let's talk about Tom's "apartment". I know efficiency apartments are common, but his bathroom was down the hall, shared with all the apartments on that floor. We're talking old school city dwelling. This is all well for a single guy, but when you stuffed four more people plus two UNICEF babies into it, it became pure comedy. Put the same people in it for three or four days, and it becomes a refugee camp. It was insane.

The inside of his "apartment" was one room, about the size of the foyer in my house, so you wouldn't really describe the layout in terms of area's as much as corners. He had his twin bed in the right corner and his kitchenette in the left corner. There was a small wooden table in the middle with a few chairs. The entire room was covered in what I guess would have been kitchen carpeting. I know this because the pattern on the carpet was the names of different foods, and we slept on that floor, and were tortured by it when we were hungry. We would wake up with the words "EGGS" and "BACON" being the first things we saw in the morning, and the words "CHOCLATE CAKE" and "PUDDING" being the last things was saw at night. Damn that carpeting to HELL! I curse it to this day.

Tom turned out to be a beautiful man, especially on the inside. He actually let us stay there. I can't remember his last name, but I wish I did, because I would absolutely find him. The one sane place in this story was Tom. In the end, you'll see how he in particular probably saved my life. This guy was a SAINT and I can't imagine why he would ever take the six of us in.

The part of the city Tom lived in would remind you of Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati. I've actually lived in Over-the-Rhine, right at the Mohawk Honor Roll, for several years, in a really beautiful apartment, so I'm not dissing it. Tom's part of Chicago was the epitome of true city living. Even though it had a lot of low income housing, there was also a lot of stores and commerce. If you took a left and walked straight for 15 minutes, you would be on Lake Shore Drive, and the strange sands of Lake Michigan.

Me and Tami must truly be some urban Jews, because we absolutely loved it. We weren't afraid in the least, although we wished we had more money. I had spent a lot of my life in Chicago, so it wasn't completely unfamiliar and I knew my way around. Tami, on the other hand, is always comfortable on a road trip regardless of where it's to, and she is a world traveler to this day.

So, there we were, happily ensconced in Tom's "apartment", and creepy Lincoln looking Barry says he needs to run an errand, and leaves in the car. The errand took him three days, while we were left stranded at poor Tom's place with Barb and the UNICEF babies, with no idea where Barry was, dead or alive. TO BE CONTINUED

When Paula and Tami Went to Chicago in a Stolen Car PART TWO

Before I continue with this story, let me preface it with this. When I look back at this stuff, it's through the eyes of a mother, and some of the things we did scare the crap out of me. It never occured to me that my mother and sisters and friends were all back in Cincinnati worrying about me for an entire week. The thought of what that must of been like for them makes me sick.

Having said that, I will be telling this stories through the eyes of a fifteen year old. Please keep that in mind as the idiocy of this story ensues.

Last we spoke, Tami and I needed to somehow get our mothers to actually agree to our roadtrip. We took the tag team approach. First we visited my mother and told her that Tami's mother, Marilyn, said she could go. Then we visited Marilyn, and told her that my mother said I could go. I remember us sitting on the staircase with her mom, just wearing her down for like an hour until she finally said yes. I think we nagged so long and so hard that our mother's just finally gave in. We told them we would only be gone three days.

Next thing we know, we were headed to Chicago, with twenty dollars between us. We had to sit to sit in the back seat, along with the two stinky babies. The babies were the epitome of UNICEF poster children, snotty noses, dirty diapers, crying....the only thing missing were the big flies hovering around their faces.

As I mentioned in part one of this tale, the car was a big fat pimp daddy red Buick looking motherfucker. The ride was a nightmare and our first introduction to babies, which is probably why I didn't have kids of my own until my thirties.

So, in the middle of all this chaos, Barry decides he needs to pull over and take a nap. What the fuck? Who needs to stop halfway to sleep on a five hour drive. He pulls into this truck stop, and parks between all the huge semis and acts like he's going to sleep. Me and Tam Tam, we were ready to GO, so we proceeded to try and talk Barry into letting Tami drive the rest of the way. The tag team approach was far less effective on him than on our mothers. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing.

As Barry napped we chatted with Barb. Turns out Barry is from Chicago, and his mother lives there where she owns a beauty shop. We were going to stay at an 'old' friend of Barry's place, named Tom. Tom later told us he had only met Barry once or twice playing Foosball at a bar. Scary, huh?

Now that we had been briefed on the plan, we just had to wait for Barry's worthless piece of shit self to wake the fuck up. I think we may have pinched a baby since we didn't have an alarm clock. TO BE CONTINUED