"Just Remember, Guys Are Not Complicated"

me: Are you awake?
Zen: I'm awake,
and YOU?
me: Yes, and kinda ick as well... I have issues, got time to chat?
Zen: Sure
me: OK, so here's the thing......
I'm dating a man who's just the sweetest thing ever....but.....there is one thing that bothers me. He has been separated from his wife for three years but still isn't divorced. I actually know her and she's a good girl, so it's not really about her,
and.....I'm not looking to get married, so it's not that either,
but....that breaks one of my most strictly held, can you pass this quiz, kind of rules. It's all in such sharp contrast, it makes me question my own criteria...perhaps rules really are made to be broken...... so...
If it doesn't really matter and I don't even know why I care, why does it annoy me?
Zen: 'Cuz it's a law?
me: Apparently, its legal to date while you're still married in the state of Ohio, nor is Ohio big on any other kind of binding arbitration.
Zen: What's the big deal, is he still sharing a house with her?
me: Nope, and they have no kids together...although he does have a step-daughter that he adores, and it makes me like him even more....
Zen: Maybe she just doesn't really understand him
me: Just hilarious Zen.....
Zen: Oh man there's still a lot of material there, you're not just going to quit on it are you?
me: no, actually, I'm not. but not because of whatever it is you're referring to
Zen: It's a triangle! Damn, I never knew he was juggling you and an Ex
or should I type "Ex"?
me: excuse me, but I AM NOT BEING "JUGGLED"
Zen: (I'm just smiling here, take it easy now. )
me: I worry that there is no greater afferdesiak than seeing someone that once loved you starting to love someone else, and if they were divorced, I probably wouldn't be thinking it
Zen: aphrodisiac?
me: ...yeah that
Zen: Right, the legal contract would keep him straight.
If only you had an Iron Clad agreement...
See if you can get him to sign something!
me: pffffttttt, you're making fun of me and I'm serious.....so since there's no guarantees in life, his legal attachment to another woman doesn't matter?
Zen: I'm sure you could MAKE it matter, it seems like it's pissing you off, right?
me: Yes, but maybe I'm a drama queen
Zen: Mayhap, but everyone needs a hobby
Just remember guys are not complicated
me: Allegedly, but I'm rusty at this social drama
Exactly how are men not complicated?
because I always think they are
Zen: Most decisions can be made in under 15 minutes and they occur under the belly some where. They almost never bother with all that analyzing nonsense.
me: interesting........,
OK, zen, I gotta think about it
Zen: yes, women seem to do that alot more
me: Bliss is wasted on the ignorant
Zen: I never looked at it like that, I guess I'm not as aware as I thought.
have you seen the movie UP from pixar?
me: no, is it good
Zen: yes, you've got to see it. But it's kind of sad, definitely bittersweet
me: will it help me to understand men better?
Zen: no, not really...

Where Do You Look?

There are three different kinds of people. Those who tend to look straight ahead, those that tend to look down at the ground, and those who are always looking up.

Most people are straight ahead lookers and seem like emotionally healthy people. I don't know nothing about no straight lookers.

Ground starers are very introspective. I'm a ground looker, and I bump into shit, (people, poles, etc.) on a regular basis. Sometimes I find money. If you're telling me a story, I look down to listen. Some people look down out of bad self esteem, shyness, or depression. Not me.

In my case, it's just bad ADD combined with thinking as a hobby. If I'm not looking at the ground when you talk to me, I'd be busy interrupting you to point out the pretty colors. Right when you think I got the point, someone in the distance will steal my attention back to some story I'm making up. You know my type. If someone does that to you all the time, demand they look at the ground while you talk to them.

The rarest of people are the sky gazers. Sky gazers are always searching. Searching for more. They seem acutely aware of how small they are compared to the rest of the universe. Their ability to think "outside the box" is off the chain because no one really knows what could be.

It's the sky gazers that are the dreamers and the poets. DaVinci was a sky gazer. I will remind myself to look up more often. It's probably easier to breath anyway.

Georgia, 2008 and the Return of Zen

Here's the funny thing about writing a blog; if I haven't resolved it into story form yet, it's just miserable to write. Resolving it into the form of a story means that I'm already past the trauma-drama of the episode. It's all in the past and it's all good.

And so goes the story of "Georgia 2008". I started writing the post back in June of this year, and left you ever so rudely hanging in climatic pergatory. But here's the reason why. I HATE that fucking story. So I just stopped writing all together, what with my delicate artistic psyche feeling all off kilter, and what-not.

Hence the question "why did I start writing it at all"? Well, frankly, it was all because of that friend Zen of mine. He harps on me constantly to write. "Don't you have a blog to write?" he says. "You should tell the Georgia story" he prods.

When I tell Zen I have no interest in writing the Georgia story, he tells me it's because I'm still mad at someone over it. To this I say "BULLSHIT". Zen chuckles knowingly. That bastard. He says I still hold a grudge over it.

So here's a quick synopsis and then let's never speak of it again.

There was a knock on the cabin door at 7:30 in the morning and it really freaked my kids out. They started calling for me, and I was so tired I barely even knew where I was. As I stumbled down the wooden staircase, I was fine. Except for that one errant step that went off to the left away from the rest.

I missed the lone step, landed on my left foot and turned that ankle out, tried to catch myself on my right foot, which then also turned, all of it against a hard wood floor. I can still feel it today like it was yesterday, it makes me sick. Long story short, I broke both my feet and had to leave on a stretcher. I literally heard them "snap". I didn't want to scream because I didn't want to scare the boys, so I kinda whisper screamed, a very interesting mommy noise indeed.

I managed to drive us home from Georgia with just light settings, and it was the most traumatic trip the boys and I ever took. Makes me nauseous just thinking about it. I ended up in a wheelchair for a week, and in casts for almost three months. Not to mention gaining 30 pounds not moving around for three months. That shit alone just really pisses me off.

So who was at the door? Well, it was the lady we were renting the cabin from. My mother, who was dog sitting, was worried because she couldn't reach me on my cell phone. She hadn't spoken to us since the day before. Three times the day before. And it was only 7:30 in the morning.

Zen said I stopped writing because I was secretly angry at my mother. That is just so absurd, so ridiculous, right?

I hate that Zen guy, all up in my head, picking at my brain. He's so fucking annoying in general. But regardless of all that, there you have it.