Mr. Jonz and the Boy in the Closet

Mr. Jonz was my stupidvisor at my current job for a year or two. He fancied himself, and still does I'm sure, an intellectual who was way smarter than anyone else. Now, I'm not talking about your average arrogance, this guy actually had disdain for anyone whom he viewed as less than him, and that pretty much was everyone. Mr. Jonz was a snob and a hater.

How to describe Mr. Jonz? He was very tall and thin, pale, and had fuzzy blond hair. He looked like a Q-tip. If you closed your eyes when he spoke, you would think Micheal Jackson was in the room. Mr. Jonz and Mr. Jackson also had something else in common, they both lusted for a certain type.

That brings us to why Mr. Jonz became obsessed with the demise of my career in the first place. I am the chapter president of the union that represents all of the technical workers at our company. We had recently negotiated a new program for programmer trainees. Each candidate took a test called the International Programmers Aptitude Test, and the number one scorer became the new trainee.

Mr. Jonz insisted that his favorite boy win, and fully expected me to make that happen, even though this person had finished third. His name was Jay, and he looked like a twelve year old boy, not to mention that he had been hired as a woman named Janice, went back to being a man named James, and finally settled on the name Jay so he could go back and forth. Nobody really held this against him, except for maybe the network administrator who had to change his network credentials with every gender swing.

Mr. Jonz LOVED Jay, and considered himself to be both his mentor and champion. It was VERY important to Mr. Jonz that Jay see how truly important and powerful he was. I also think it was the old "I'll make him better than he was and he'll love me forever" approach to dating. He made it very clear to me that it was up to me to make sure Jay got the job.

Now, what kind of union president would I be if I crumbled to the demands of a middle manager with a bloated sense of self worth? Being the good gurl that I am, we gave the job to the number one scorer on the IPAT, which turned out to be a woman who had been rotting as a dispatcher down in security. She is brilliant, and has gone on to make more money out in the world than any of us, and deserves every penny.

One day, I had to go into Mr. Jonz's office to ask a question. I tend to be a bit on the psychic side, and for no reason absolutely knew that he literally had someone in his closet and that person was Jay. After not receiving the answer to my question, which was the norm with Mr. Jonz, I went back to my office and said to two of my co-workers "I think Mr. Jonz has Jay in his closet" to which they laughed thinking it was a metaphor. "No, seriously, I think Mr. Jonz has Jay in his closet" and I could tell that they thought I was nuts.

Several minutes later, I was summoned into Mr. Jonz's office. He said "You knew Jay was in my closet, didn't you?", to which I replied "pretty much".

From that day forward, Mr. Jonz did every thing he could to ruin me. He was already enraged that Jay wasn't given the programmer trainee position, and now this. I would come in in the morning, and my cubicle would be smaller than the night before, files would mysteriously disappear from my computer, projects were taken away from me, and I was constantly dragged into disciplinary for just looking at him the wrong way.

Being underestimated has always been one of my best advantages. While he harassed me day after day, my best friend Gail, and I, quietly built our own case against him. Gail and I had already agreed that we would never use it unless we were absolutely forced to.

Finally, it was Mr. Jonz's big day. He had me where he wanted me, down in Human Resources, about to be fired. He had me in check because he knew I wasn't smart enough to play chess with him.

So, there's Gail and me on one side of the table, and Mr. Jonz and the HR director on the other. In the middle of the meeting, the HR director was called to the company president's office. While we sat there waiting for him to return, another HR employee came in, sat down, and asked how we were all doing. After Mr. Jonz, who had been sitting there smugly in control because he was so much smarter than the rest of us, said he was doing "excellent" the HR guy looked at me and asked how I was, and I said the following:

"Well, Mr. Jonz has me here because he thinks he's going to fire me, but what he doesn't know, is that I'm going to beat him to the punch."

Mr. Jonz kinda snorted at this because he knew this would never happen. When the HR director returned, we continued with our disciplinary hearing, with Mr. Jonz in the drivers seat. Don't forget, he was smarter than everyone else and didn't need to concern himself with the likes of me. After listening to Mr. Jonz litany of offenses, the meeting was scheduled to continue the next day.

What he failed to realize is that I am a street fighter. I do not need to intimidate, strut, or match you blow for blow. I will even keep your secrets. But if you come after me, and threaten the livelihood that puts the food into my children's mouths and the roof over their heads, I will take you out. When I finally bite, I bite to kill, and you may never see it coming.

The postponed meeting never continued. Mr. Jonz was escorted by security off the premises the very next day. Gail and I had presented our case before meeting with Mr. Jonz. When one of his minions asked what was going on, all he could mumble was that he "was in a state of shock".

Mr. Jonz, should you ever read this, I have but one thing to say to you. CHECKMATE you dumbass.