Mr. Jonz and the Boy in the Closet

Mr. Jonz was my stupidvisor at my current job for a year or two. He fancied himself, and still does I'm sure, an intellectual who was way smarter than anyone else. Now, I'm not talking about your average arrogance, this guy actually had disdain for anyone whom he viewed as less than him, and that pretty much was everyone. Mr. Jonz was a snob and a hater.

How to describe Mr. Jonz? He was very tall and thin, pale, and had fuzzy blond hair. He looked like a Q-tip. If you closed your eyes when he spoke, you would think Micheal Jackson was in the room. Mr. Jonz and Mr. Jackson also had something else in common, they both lusted for a certain type.

That brings us to why Mr. Jonz became obsessed with the demise of my career in the first place. I am the chapter president of the union that represents all of the technical workers at our company. We had recently negotiated a new program for programmer trainees. Each candidate took a test called the International Programmers Aptitude Test, and the number one scorer became the new trainee.

Mr. Jonz insisted that his favorite boy win, and fully expected me to make that happen, even though this person had finished third. His name was Jay, and he looked like a twelve year old boy, not to mention that he had been hired as a woman named Janice, went back to being a man named James, and finally settled on the name Jay so he could go back and forth. Nobody really held this against him, except for maybe the network administrator who had to change his network credentials with every gender swing.

Mr. Jonz LOVED Jay, and considered himself to be both his mentor and champion. It was VERY important to Mr. Jonz that Jay see how truly important and powerful he was. I also think it was the old "I'll make him better than he was and he'll love me forever" approach to dating. He made it very clear to me that it was up to me to make sure Jay got the job.

Now, what kind of union president would I be if I crumbled to the demands of a middle manager with a bloated sense of self worth? Being the good gurl that I am, we gave the job to the number one scorer on the IPAT, which turned out to be a woman who had been rotting as a dispatcher down in security. She is brilliant, and has gone on to make more money out in the world than any of us, and deserves every penny.

One day, I had to go into Mr. Jonz's office to ask a question. I tend to be a bit on the psychic side, and for no reason absolutely knew that he literally had someone in his closet and that person was Jay. After not receiving the answer to my question, which was the norm with Mr. Jonz, I went back to my office and said to two of my co-workers "I think Mr. Jonz has Jay in his closet" to which they laughed thinking it was a metaphor. "No, seriously, I think Mr. Jonz has Jay in his closet" and I could tell that they thought I was nuts.

Several minutes later, I was summoned into Mr. Jonz's office. He said "You knew Jay was in my closet, didn't you?", to which I replied "pretty much".

From that day forward, Mr. Jonz did every thing he could to ruin me. He was already enraged that Jay wasn't given the programmer trainee position, and now this. I would come in in the morning, and my cubicle would be smaller than the night before, files would mysteriously disappear from my computer, projects were taken away from me, and I was constantly dragged into disciplinary for just looking at him the wrong way.

Being underestimated has always been one of my best advantages. While he harassed me day after day, my best friend Gail, and I, quietly built our own case against him. Gail and I had already agreed that we would never use it unless we were absolutely forced to.

Finally, it was Mr. Jonz's big day. He had me where he wanted me, down in Human Resources, about to be fired. He had me in check because he knew I wasn't smart enough to play chess with him.

So, there's Gail and me on one side of the table, and Mr. Jonz and the HR director on the other. In the middle of the meeting, the HR director was called to the company president's office. While we sat there waiting for him to return, another HR employee came in, sat down, and asked how we were all doing. After Mr. Jonz, who had been sitting there smugly in control because he was so much smarter than the rest of us, said he was doing "excellent" the HR guy looked at me and asked how I was, and I said the following:

"Well, Mr. Jonz has me here because he thinks he's going to fire me, but what he doesn't know, is that I'm going to beat him to the punch."

Mr. Jonz kinda snorted at this because he knew this would never happen. When the HR director returned, we continued with our disciplinary hearing, with Mr. Jonz in the drivers seat. Don't forget, he was smarter than everyone else and didn't need to concern himself with the likes of me. After listening to Mr. Jonz litany of offenses, the meeting was scheduled to continue the next day.

What he failed to realize is that I am a street fighter. I do not need to intimidate, strut, or match you blow for blow. I will even keep your secrets. But if you come after me, and threaten the livelihood that puts the food into my children's mouths and the roof over their heads, I will take you out. When I finally bite, I bite to kill, and you may never see it coming.

The postponed meeting never continued. Mr. Jonz was escorted by security off the premises the very next day. Gail and I had presented our case before meeting with Mr. Jonz. When one of his minions asked what was going on, all he could mumble was that he "was in a state of shock".

Mr. Jonz, should you ever read this, I have but one thing to say to you. CHECKMATE you dumbass.

Middle Managers, The Real Proletariots

When I was thirteen, Tam Tam and I got our first official jobs at the Baskin and Robbins in our neighborhood. It wasn't my first job, that would be the babysitting and snow shoveling I had been doing since I was nine. Looking back on it, who the hell hires a nine year old to babysit anyway? It must have been a very innocent time, or, more likely, nine year olds were the only people willing to work for fifty cents an hour.

Thirty years later, with no break in employment, just changes in employers, I consider myself an authority on bosses and suck ups. Some of my best stories involve them. If anyone ever asks you to become a middle manager, you should consider it an insult. If you don't, well, then you're perfect for the job.

The middle manager is a special breed, and the worst of all bosses. They are both boss and suck up, the latter being a prerequisite for the former. Companies love to take fairly dim witted personalities and make them into middle managers because of their never ending ability to say "yes" to everything. Middle managers have no idea that this is what's happening, but don't try to tell them because they'll make you their new project.

The average middle manager never manages work, only people. They consider breaking spirits and working out their baggage from childhood as part of the job. If they could manage work, they wouldn't be middle, they would be top, which most middle managers never become. When a suck up accidentally makes it to the upper echelon of management, it is generally a disaster. I'm pretty sure this is why most managers are "at will" employee's. Since most of them never make it to the top, they are the most bitter of bosses.....and dammit, you're all gonna pay!

As soon as a new middle manager says "we need to be good soldiers" you know it can only go downhill from there. This translates into "jump off this roof for me because I told you to", never mind the fact that the fall will kill you. They fixate on one employee after the other because it's the only way they can look productive because they really don't know how to do anything else. Middle managers are the true proletariats in our society. Just tell them that they're smarter than everyone else and give them an office where they can play some nice music and they're good to go.

Some suck ups never become middle managers. These are the ones that enable middle managers to feel good about how important they are, and are rewarded with salaries that far outreach their usefulness. The suck ups ruin others by gossip and innuendo, thereby providing the middle manager with a steady stream of scape goats. This allows the middle manager an ally in their stupidity. Non manager suck ups tend to be just smart enough to be dangerous to anyone the works closely with them.

Don't get me wrong, I have met brilliant managers, and I can always tell who they are because they don't fit into this description. But these are few and far between and never stick around long. Companies generally recognize these individuals and promote them out of middle management quickly. If you have been a middle manager for three years or more, it's probably all you'll ever be. The Peter Principle, which says that some people get promoted based on their inertia as opposed to their usefulness, was created in regard to middle managers.

I am creating an entire new label category for bosses and suck ups, because I've known so many of them. Most of them don't like me anymore than I like them, and when they delude themselves into believing that they're the ones that will finally "tame the shrew", it always results in great stories and never ending hilarity.

Feel free to leave comments about your favorite idiot bosses and suck ups, of which I'm sure you've known many. If nothing else, you'll know you're not alone.

Senate Bill 5 in Ohio, Issue 2 Seals the Deal

If Senate Bill 5, in Ohio, is not voted down, it becomes the law.


Senate Bill 5, which strips organized labor in Ohio of most of their collective bargaining rights, is up for referendum tomorrow, Tuesday, November 8. It's important that you know what this is really about.  Bargaining is not just about wages and benefits.

Nurses and teachers, for example, can negotiate patient and student numbers.  Do you want your child in a class with 50 other students and only one teacher? Do you want to be in a hospital ward with 25 beds and only one nurse?  Hey, it could happen, Ohio Governor Kasich is all about cost and control.


Senate Bill 5 was originally pushed through and made into law without a vote of the people.  A huge part of the middle class in Ohio consists of workers who belong to unions.

Now, here's what I want to say to you about this.  If you look back in history, when fascism came-a-knocking, it's always the labor unions the far right goes for first.  The reason why?


Labor Unions are the only organized body out side of government big enough to support a dissenting view.  If you have no vehicle to disagree with your government, you can not have democracy. Once you silence the labor unions, you silence all the millions of people that have no other connection in life for representation but that union.  

So, if you live in Ohio, you really need to read the below article, and make sure you vote in November.  You have no idea how much work went into just getting it on the ballot so you could exercise your constitutional rights. 

The below article, released last summer, by the Associated Press, clearly explains the intent of Senate Bill 5.

OH Voters Will Decide Fate Of Union Law July 22, 2011 By Ann Sanner, Associated Press COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Ohio voters will get to decide in November whether to repeal the state's new collective bargaining law, which would let public worker unions negotiate wages but not health care, sick time or pension benefits. The state's elections chief said Thursday that opponents had gathered enough valid signatures to put the question before voters. The measure is now suspended from taking effect until voters have their say. The law signed by GOP Gov. John Kasich in late March affects more than 350,000 public workers, including police officers, firefighters, teachers and state employees. Aside from restricting bargaining, it bans strikes and gets rid of automatic pay increases, replacing them with merit raises or performance pay. The group We Are Ohio delivered more than 1.3 million signatures to Secretary of State Jon Husted, though the opponents needed roughly 231,000 valid signatures to get the question on the ballot. He said more than 915,000 of the signatures were valid. The opponents' successful campaign proves that the legislation was "a bad bill that was passed by extreme politicians who are out of touch with hardworking Ohioans," said Melissa Fazekas, a spokeswoman for We Are Ohio. The measure was approved by the Republican-controlled state Legislature in March amid shouts and jeers from protesters in each chamber. But the overall response by protesters in the Rust Belt state, despite its long union tradition among steel and autoworkers, paled in comparison to Wisconsin, where protests topped more than 70,000 people. Ohio's largest Statehouse demonstrations on the measure drew about 8,500 people. That difference has been attributed to Madison's labor legacy and the proximity of the populous University of Wisconsin campus to the state capital. The fallout from each state's bitter fights over collective bargaining restrictions have also differed. Unlike in Wisconsin, Ohio voters cannot recall state lawmakers, so opponents are pushing for repeal through a referendum. In Wisconsin, nine state senators — six Republicans and three Democrats — face recall elections. GOP Gov. Scott Walker's collective bargaining law eventually survived a court challenge and took effect. A Quinnipiac University poll released this week found that 56 percent of Ohio voters say the new collective bargaining law should be repealed, compared with 32 percent who say it should be kept. The We Are Ohio campaign says 10,000 volunteers and some paid workers circulated petitions to get the referendum before voters. The coalition of labor groups and others contends the law is an unfair attack on workers. Kasich, a first-term governor, and his GOP colleagues argue the legislation will help city officials, school superintendents and others control their costs at a time when they, too, are feeling budget woes. Kasich has said he plans to play a visible role in defending the law. So far, he has directed his supporters to a website for Building a Better Ohio, a group that wants to keep the new law in place. Jason Mauk, a spokesman for Building a Better Ohio, said Thursday that certification of the signatures puts the focus back on the law's merits. "Ohio voters now have a choice to make," Mauk said in a statement. "We can keep the unfair, unsustainable policies that are bankrupting our communities, or we can change direction and give them the tools they need to create jobs and get spending under control." The referendum's clearance for the ballot came as the head of the AFL-CIO met in Columbus with community organizations, religious groups and representatives from the Ohio Conference of the NAACP. AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka would not say how much money the nation's largest labor federation planned to spend in the ballot effort, only that the organization planned to devote resources and people to help repeal the law. "This is a battle of over the conscious and the moral character and the direction of the country," Trumka told reporters. "And we think that the people in Ohio and the people in America think that people like Gov. Kasich is going in the wrong direction — that he overreached, that he used a tough budget time to try to scapegoat public employees and try to destroy a ladder into the middle class." Kasich spokesman Rob Nichols said the law was about restoring fairness and balance between the private and public sector employees. "Mr. Trumpka does have to live in one of Ohio's cities or towns that are hanging on by their fingers, struggling with high costs," Nichols said. The state's labor groups have turned to their members to help pay for the repeal campaign. Ohio's largest teachers union in May agreed to a one-time, $54 dues increase. The move by the members of the Ohio Education Association was expected to yield an additional $5.5 million. The Fraternal Order of Police also anticipated raising $1 million from their roughly 200 local lodges around the state. And the Ohio Association of Professional Firefighters asked its 9,600 members to voluntarily kick in $100 for the repeal effort.